This post is going live on December 28, 2014. Late December has a reputation for being the time of year when people make their New Years’ resolutions. Some folks plan to lose weight and get in shape, to stop smoking, to write a book, start a business, draw closer to God or any of several other great changes. I’m a fan of the fact that a new year brings to mind the idea that new things are possible, that what hasn’t worked can be discarded and change is on everyone’s mind.
Recently I began listening to the Confessions of A Terrible Husband podcast, hosted by my friend Nick Pavlidis. I strongly recommend checking out his podcast, great stuff! In Episode 3 Nick interviews John G. Miller, author of several books including QBQ: The Question Behind the Question. During the interview John emphasized the idea of personal accountability in all things, including marriage. One important question John posed stood out to me.
What Can I Do?
-John G. Miller
What Can I Do? A simple question. When my wife and I are on opposite sides of an issue the question should not be, “Why doesn’t she get it?” the question should be, “What can I do to make this better?” When finances are an issue ask the questions, “What can I do to make things easier? What expenses are uniquely mine that I can decrease or eliminate? How can I help in the budgeting process? What can I do to bring in more money? What can I do?” Don’t ask, “Why won’t the other person or situation change?” instead ask yourself, “What can I do to improve the situation?”
I’m going to quickly bring this back around so that you can get back to your New Years’ festivities. Let me pose my own question based on John’s. Ask this question of yourself.
What can I do to show my wife more love?
This question assumes you know what she needs to feel loved. If you don’t know her primary love language then that may not be the case. Take a quick look back at The Book That Started It All. Of course you could simply ask HER the question, “What can I do that will make you feel more loved?”
If you are looking for a resolution that’s a great one to use for 2015. Find out what makes her feel more loved and resolve to do it every single day. In case you need a regular reminder just put an alarm in your smartphone.
Now go do what YOU can do to make 2015 the most loving year ever in your marriage!