Are You Living in Fear…of Your Spouse?

My wife is 5 feet tall. Not 5’9”, 5’7”, 5’5” or even 5’3”. She is 5 feet even. When we stand she fits perfectly under my chin. I have bench pressed more than her weight. She is beautiful, sweet, kind and loving…and small. I love her size, it fits her perfectly.

You Wouldn’t Think

With the above description you would never think I could fear her. Not that she isn’t strong; she works out and has some significant muscle mass. But there are times when I have fear related to her. Not physical fear but fear just the same.

The Story

Recently I’ve been reading Dan Miller’s book 48 Days to the Work You Love. It is a great way to learn how to find work that is fulfilling and matches up with your passions and skills. I’ve learned very much and have begun listening to Dan’s podcast. It is filled with success stories of people who have found work they love as well as answers to questions for those still looking.

If you were reading this blog back in September of 2014 you know that my lovely bride and I went on a personal focus retreat with a small group from our church. One big take away from that retreat was that marriage coaching is an area that I need to move into. Since then we have done marriage mentoring certification with a Les and Leslie Parrott program and it was great! But we haven’t really done much on the coaching side.

What I Want to Do

The podcast and website for Dan Miller both referred to a live event called, “Coaching with Excellence”. It is two days of intensive coaching training with experts and about 40 other people from around the world. Do you know it is just south of Nashville, Tennessee in a beautiful country area inside of a converted barn called “The Sanctuary”? Plus it’s in late May, a perfect time to be in Tennessee. Not to mention the fact that we could stay a couple of extra days and celebrate our anniversary there. Are you waiting for the catch? Here it is: after everything the total cost will be a significant amount of money.

The Reason for My Fear

I KNOW we don’t just have that extra money lying around. But I firmly believe that long term the money will be an investment to help many other couples have amazing marriages. In addition I know that by serving others in this way and honoring His gift in our marriage by sharing it that God will bless us. However I was afraid to talk to Sally. She works hard to keep our financial house in order and does a fantastic job! I didn’t want to cause her difficulty and I knew we had a budget. So the fear was simply about doing something that would throw us off balance and make it harder on her.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord you God will be with you wherever you go.

-Joshua 1:9

The Conversation

I danced around the issue for some time. Then we were both given free access to a recording of a conference call that explained more about the live event. It was very compelling to me. I could hear the Lord speaking through that recording that we needed to go to the event. So in the evening I asked if she had a chance to listen to the recording and she had. I then told her I thought we needed to go. Do you know what she said? She told me where to get the money to pay for it. She was all in! In fact she started working on the pre-event packet even before I did.  It was so cool. Clearly God was in this.

What Cured the Fear?

Do you know what cured the fear? Belief. Just belief. I believed that it was going to help others, it would help us and it would honor God. We need to all remember how we grow as people. Our beliefs determine our actions and our actions determine our results. If your beliefs are strong enough then you can’t hold back!

The Wrap Up

I think there are three important points to take from this experience:

  1. Sometimes you will feel fear when you need to talk to your spouse.
  2. The strength of your beliefs will allow you to overcome the fear.
  3. The conversation will almost never turn out the way you fear.

So the next time you strongly believe that something needs to be changed or you feel God calling you into an area I’ll give you a suggestion. Just start the conversation immediately.

Fear feeds on time.

-Grant Cardone in The 10X Rule.

Your spouse loves you and wants the best for you and your family. So jump in and talk…perhaps you will change the future of many people!

Love you all!


  • David Mike

    It’s cool that you guys have built a relationship that has open communication. Give and take as well as mutual values. I want to be you when I grow up! (I know we are the same age.)

    • Troy

      Thanks David. Although we have had an incredibly happy marriage for many years our level of communication has been increasingly stronger recently. In the last 3 years we have opened up more than ever before. I think that really has to do with a strong pursuit of God-given dreams. I love the support we both give each other. Sally is an amazing woman. I know you have a great marriage as well and your dedication to improving it will make it amazing!

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