About 9 months ago I published a post titled “22 Years of Failure.” If you haven’t read that post (or don’t remember it well) then I believe your marriage would strongly benefit by giving it a fresh look. Today’s post builds on the theme of praying together as a couple…by pointing out an unexpected benefit.

The Good News

According to Dr. David Stoop, a psychologist and family counselor with over 35 years of experience and referencing a study by the National Council on Marriage Enhancement, “less than 1% of couples that pray together would end up getting a divorce.” That is GREAT news! It’s gets me excited to know that simply praying together is amazing insurance for your marriage.

The Sobering Numbers

But that’s not the whole story. Dr. Stoop notes that among Christian couples it is estimated that only 4% pray together daily. Even among couples who are pastors the numbers are only around 6%. These are terribly sad statistics. 94% or more of Christian couples are not praying together regularly. I won’t go into this part much more, because we didn’t pray together regularly ourselves, for the first 22 years of our marriage. But we learned the truth about prayer in marriage pray together nearly every night.

Why Pray Together?

Beyond what we see in the statistics why is praying together important? I pray on my own, it draws my closer to God. When I pray alone I pray for my wife. Why should we pray together as well? Let me ask a question. Have you ever been with someone when they prayed for you? How does it make you feel? Humbled for sure, but besides that. Loved, cared for, appreciated, appreciative, thankful and even joyful? When someone prays for you in your presence it is a special moment. When you pray with your spouse daily then you daily give them that special moment. It’s pretty amazing.

For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.
-Matthew 18:20

Getting Closer

Prayer draws us closer to God and allows God to draw closer to us.  In drawing closer to God it allows us to better hear His Spirit and direction. From a practical standpoint praying brings God more into our everyday activities. We become more aware of Him, His purposes and plan.

Getting Closer to Your Spouse

Shared prayer draws us closer together to each other. When we pray together not only do we pray for each other, but we hear each others prayers for others and life events. We learn more about each other when we pray together. Praying together adds another level of intimacy to our marriages.

The Unexpected Benefit

In closing let me give you a very real life change that I’ve seen over the last year plus that we have prayed together regularly. We talk more. After praying we will sometimes stay up for a while longer discussing deeper issues in our hearts. We will open up more about where we feel God leading us, about our hopes and dreams. This has spilled over into the same types of discussions even outside of our prayer times. Since we have been praying together we have spent a lot more time talking about what is in our hearts. It’s wonderful!

So let me encourage you to either start or renew praying with your spouse. It takes relatively little time but leads to many benefits…some of which may surprise you.

Love you all!

-Troy

Sometimes my lovely bride jumps in with a post. Today is one of those days that you get to enjoy. Her post is incredibly practical and NOT what you are expecting….but it’s an issue a lot of folks (gals and guys) experience. Enjoy!

Image courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Enter Sally:

This may be a little different than the usual Tuesday topics, but you know, that’s what Tuesday is a wild card, right? This topic may be more for the women, but there are probably some men who have dealt with it too. My father had skin allergies and I known men and women who have suffered from rosacea and other skin conditions.

A Little Background

I (Sally) have had allergies for as long as I can remember. When I was a toddler, my mother would have to buy special soap for me because I would break out in rashes from the typical baby soaps used. There was no allergy testing performed, they just told her to buy a particular soap and use it and it worked.

As I grew older though, I started to want to choose my own soaps and shampoos. I used perfumes and lotions just like everyone else.  I wasn’t allowed to wear makeup and my acne was so bad that as a young teen, I started trying to cover it up with talcum powder I found in the bathroom. My mother found out and finally bought me my first face powder. It helped a little, but was just masking the issues. Eventually she took me to a dermatologist who prescribed some kind of cream to apply to my skin. It burned my face so bad that it actually started coming off in large chunks. I was red like a lobster and totally embarrassed. I remember going to a concert at the Fox Theatre with our teen group when it was at the worst point. The doctor decided it was too strong for me…ya think?

What I Have Discovered

So for years I have tried different products trying to balance out my skin. Eventually as an adult, I went to see a different dermatologist, and he determined that I have rosacea.  Before prescribing a medication for that, he insisted on doing skin allergy testing. I had already had this done several times previously for airborne allergies, but this was new. I found out that I am allergic to something called Balsam of Peru. You would think this would be helpful, but no product that I have ever seen actually says   ‘Balsam of Peru’ in the ingredients list. This is because it comes in many forms and has many chemical names (see https://www.truetest.com/PatientPDF/Balsam-of-Peru-Patient-Info.pdf).

I started reading labels. I tried products that were hypoallergenic or labeled ‘free and clear.’  I was told that Clinique would be perfectly fine for me to use and would help. They have a redness line that I used for years and it seemed to help a little, but my dryness and redness never went away. I tried the extra moisturizing night creams, but there was something in there that make me get small rashes on my face and neck. So I went back to just the basics and have dry skin.  In the last year and a half, I have had random hives appear on my face and have decided it is time to try something new because clearly, this is NOT working.

I Know You Want To Help, But…

Before you start sending me links to the latest skin care miracle, let me say that I have tried several that were supposed to be toxin free and they still seem to irritate my face. Also, if you went to the link above, it warns me to stay away from essential oils.

I have started researching natural remedies and pinning many things to my Pinterest boards. My first step is that I am beginning to wash my face and moisturize with coconut oil. It sounds crazy, but it is very soothing. Some of the benefits of coconut oil are that it is antimicrobial, retains moisture and delays aging. I am all for that! I have not gotten the right balance yet, but I am working on it. I will also be adding some vitamin E oil into the regimen. I have heard so much good things about both.  I hope to be able to make a mixture that is easy to travel with and actually does what I need it to.

In Conclusion

Life is about trial and error. I am hoping that soon I will start to see good results from what I am doing. If you have had this allergy and dealt with it successfully, please share what you have found! If you don’t suffer from allergies and can wear perfumes, scented body lotions and use the latest hair products to make your hair stay where you put it, be sure to thank God above.  😉

Hopefully I will have some good updates in the near future!

Blessings!

Sally

I’m a fun person and people tend to appreciate my sense of humor (at least I think they do…but now I’m afraid to ask :-)). But I am NOT a fan of practical jokes.

Photo By Lenore Edman via StockPholio.com

On April 1st Sally and I were chatting about the fact that it was April Fool’s Day. I said, “I won’t be doing any April Fool’s Jokes today. I don’t do practical jokes because I don’t want to be on the receiving end.” She said, “I love that about you.”

The Ground Rules

One things that all couples need to consider is what are the ground rules? Throughout any marriage you will frequently encounter the same situations, or at least ones of a similar nature. Let’s take a look at a few examples:

With what family will we spend holidays?
How much money will we give, save and spend?
Where will we go to church? Will we go to church?
Do we tease each other? How far is too far in teasing?
How much time do we spend together? How much time do we spend alone?

That’s just the beginning.

Why is This Important?

Sometimes when couples have difficulty it’s often not one large issue. It’s a hundred little things that drive couples apart. It's a hundred little things that drive couples apart. Click To TweetThose hundred little things are the result of differences in expectations. When my wife expects one thing in my behavior and I do something else she experiences disappointment or emotional pain. If I pick on her to where I still think it’s funny but to her it is belittling then we have a disconnect. Why does this happen? Why do we have different expectations? Because in one or more areas we haven’t established ground rules.

Moving Towards a Happier Marriage

Sally has an expectation that I won’t play any practical jokes on her. I know that and I will meet that expectation. I follow the ground rules. Over the years some ground rules have been specifically defined (such as where we spend holidays), some are understood based on our knowledge of each other and many have adjusted. Ground rules may be tweaked as necessary but only as long as both of us are in agreement. A happy marriage includes adherence to the ground rules. A happy marriage includes adherence to the ground rules. Click To Tweet

When you find yourselves in conflict over an issue then it’s time to ask, “What are the ground rules?” If you don’t have them for this situation then it’s time to work them out.

Love you all!

-Troy

Hey all, just wanted to let you know that the Happier Husband household has been going through some sickness issues…and it’s the kind of sick that won’t allow any real concentration.

We hope to be all back to normal next week.

Thanks for understanding!

-Troy

I’m going to help you out. Would you like a quick way to decrease stress, increase joy and make difficult day or season more pleasant? No drugs required.

What is Day 1?

Remember Day 1? Perhaps I should be more specific (although if you don’t get it from the picture…). Day 1 is your wedding day! It’s Day 1 because if was the first day of your married life together. The day two became one.

Remember the Joy of Day 1

For most of you (I hope) your wedding day was filled with friends and family coming to enjoy the celebration of you and your spouse joining together in marriage. It was likely a day with some stress…I know ours was, we almost had a full on cage match between a couple of relatives, but when you look back it was an incredibly happy day. Remember the gazes of love you shared as you made your vows. Remember the beauty of your mutual commitment. Remember the excitement of the first kiss as a married couple.

Remember the Humor of Day 1

Did you have something funny that happened on your wedding day? We had our fair share of anecdotes. Here are a couple.

We were married in Michigan in May and it was warm. We held the reception in Sally’s old high school gym which lacked the comfort of air conditioning. Our wedding on the cheap so my mom was taking care of serving out the wedding cake. Just behind my mom was an open door for air flow. Do you know what happens in the evening when you have an open door into a lighted room in Michigan in the summer? Yep, my mom didn’t appreciate being swarmed by mosquitoes.

A little later Sally and I were digging through the cards on our way to the hotel after the reception to find enough cash for the first night of our honeymoon. Yeah, that happened…we were poor! But it was an amazing day and we were rich in love. Looking back is such a pleasure!

Hey! What About The Decreased Stress Stuff?

Did you know that stress is not part of the world? Did you know that stress is not part of the world? Click To Tweet It’s truly not. The feeling of stress is a psychological (and sometimes physical) reaction to life circumstances, either real or imagined. Stress is not caused by what is happening in our lives. Stress is our reaction. In fact in most circumstances we are stressed about things that either never happen or have already happened. It has been demonstrated that 85% of things we worry about never happen or turn out neutral. I could tell you therefore not to stress out. I don’t know if that would be very helpful. However if stress is caused by worry and worry is psychological then…

A Little Trick

When you hit those difficult moments or days I want you to do a simple exercise. Remember Day 1. Take a few minutes and replay the joy of that day in your mind. See the sight of your spouse ready to give his or her life commitment to you. Smell the flowers and candles. Hear again those amazing words, “I now pronounce you man and wife.” When you Remember Day 1 everything else becomes minor and temporary. God put the two of you together for a purpose. God put the two of you together for a purpose. Click To Tweet Regularly returning to the beginning will bring back the focus AND allow you to relax. One other suggestion, bust out the wedding album and check out the pictures together. Have fun reliving that day. Then remember, no matter what happens you are a team together with the Lord and He is on your side!

Love you all!!

-Troy