Category Archives: Love

One For The Ladies

As you know, this is the HappierHusband blog. The focus generally narrows to how a husband can have a happier marriage by doing what it takes to make his wife happy, stop fighting, be the spiritual leader, ignore commonly held misconceptions and take responsibility.

I’m Not Completely Dense

Based on various interactions it’s become apparent that we have a high percentage of female readers. Hi ladies! So I decided to do a post that is just for the ladies. So guys, you can sit back and let this one go. Read it if you like, but perhaps you should just go see who is playing on ESPN.

A Quick Caveat

Alright, now that we’ve cleared the men out let me drop in this caveat. Depending on the primary love language of your husband the action step that will be presented later in this post may be a bit unusual for the two of you. In short, your mileage may vary and one size fits most. However the “most” will be a VERY high percentage (likely over 97%) so just give it a shot. Can’t hurt and it might help.

The Problem

Did you know that every man is trying to look manly? In the 70s it was called ‘macho’ but the result is the same. Men usually don’t care to look weak, but rather put forth the image that they can handle what whatever comes up without any outside influence. I call this the “I don’t need any stinking directions” problem. I could spend several blog posts hitting this from multiple areas but I’m going to focus on just one.

Related Cool Science Stuff

Have you ever heard of cortisol and oxytocin? Cortisol is secreted by the adrenal gland and plays an important part in many bodily functions. Glucose and blood pressure regulation, insulin management, the immune system and response to inflammation are all affected by cortisol. But cortisol has a bad reputation. It is known as the “stress hormone” because it is released when we are in real or perceived danger. It is part of our “fight or flight” reaction. In the right situations this is important and valuable. However our lives are filled with hurry and stress causing cortisol to be released far too often and to not be well controlled. Over time too much cortisol has extremely negative effects including decreases in muscle tissue and bone density, impaired thyroid function, lower mental performance, high blood pressure, lower immunity, decreased response to inflammation, slower healing of wounds and increased abdominal fat. Of course this can lead to issues with heart attacks, strokes, high cholesterol and many other health problems.

More Related Cool Science Stuff

Oxytocin is a hormone produced in the brain and secreted by the pituitary gland. In contrast to cortisol oxytocin plays a role in childbearing, breastfeeding, and behaviors such as trust, relaxation and mental stability. Oxytocin also has been shown to help men who are in monogamous relationships to remain faithful.

The bottom line is that we really need to decrease or control cortisol and increase brain produced oxytocin.

How Do We Make This Happen?

I’ll bet you’re wondering how the cool science is related. Also how to we pull off making more of the good stuff and control the bad. Get ready ladies. It’s free, simple, and you’ll love the answer.

Untapped Power

Have you ever noticed that after a hug from a friend you simply feel better? Do you wonder why people hug during times of grief or after returning from a period of absence? Of course there are the social standards that define these as important and appropriate times for physical contact. However they also allow for a physiological response designed by the Lord Himself. When you are involved in a welcome touch with a loved one your adrenal gland decreases cortisol release and your pituitary gland increases the release of oxytocin. In short, whether you are the person initiating the touch or the recipient your stress decreases and your relaxation increases. This has been proven in multiple studies.

Biblical Support

In Matthew 19:13 Jesus laid hands on the children. In Mark 5:23, Matthew 8:3 and Matthew 8:15 Jesus used His power to heal people through touch.

Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” Immediately he was cleansed of his leprosy. – Matthew 8:3

Repeatedly in both the Old and New Testaments we are told to hold on to God, to hold His right hand, to not stop the laying on of hands. Why is this so important? Because God designed us to enjoy healing, comfort, strength and peace in the touch of another that we trust.

The Plan of Action

Thanks to the design of God science has now caught up with a simple fact: touch brings healing to the body, mind and soul. Holding hands, hugging, physical intimacy (within the bounds of marriage) and many other forms of touch have these same benefits. Physiological changes in the miraculous bodies that God created react in amazing ways to touches of love and kindness. Why did I say this post is for the ladies? It’s for a single reason. You are more likely to initiate this process than your husband. I’ll simply ask you this. At least three times per day embrace your husband. Not a perfunctory hug, but a deep hug, lasting several seconds. Take the time to snuggle in and allow your brain to change the chemical balance of your (and his) bloodstreams. Trust me; you can really feel it when it happens. Don’t let him get out of the hug too quickly; make sure he relaxes into it as well. If he balks just let him know you need to feel his touch. It’ll make him more than willing. The physical benefits of better health and potentially longer life can be realized by this simple change. You’ll both be happier for the rest of the day and maintaining this habit it can dramatically improve your overall feelings of peace, comfort, safety and love.

Love you all!

-Troy

 

Keep Up the Good Work

If you were to look on one of my bookshelves or in one of my two different eBook apps you would find three primary types of books.

  1. Bibles and other books about growing closer to God and others.
  2. Fiction and sci-fi (a very small number since the purge of early 2014).
  3. Personal and business growth.

Bible reading is part of my daily routine along with reading for personal, relationship, and or business growth. On a side note if you’d like more detail on my daily routine check out the post What I Do.

A Short Note

Sometimes I get a little parental on this blog. I throw out recommendations and statistics, platitudes and methods. I do that for the same reason a father gives instructions to his children…for them to have better lives and relationships. My claim does not consist of being a better husband than anyone else, but rather to take what God has blessed Sally and me with and pass it on to others.

A Sense of Accomplishment

Considering that this is the first post of 2015 I wanted to change the tone a bit. I’m still going to give an instruction and suggestion, but I think you’ll enjoy them. I’d like you to take a look back at 2014. Consider your relationship with your spouse. List one or two things that went well, really well in your marriage last year. Spend a few minutes as you share some prayer time together to celebrate these accomplishments! Thank the Lord for His work between the two of you in 2014. Also don’t forget to be excited about things you did to improve your marriage.

Looking Forward

This next step is optional, but highly recommended. As you considered your marital relationship in 2014 it is likely you noticed an area or two that you would like to improve. One challenge of being a man is that we don’t always notice places of potential relationship improvement. Talk to your spouse and ask for honest suggestions. See if you can determine how to make these changes. Perhaps commit to reading a book on a specific marriage topic, subscribing to a podcast related to marriage, going on a marriage retreat, scheduling a regular date night or seeing a counselor for some more challenging issues. Never forget the option to ask another couple who has walked a similar path for their input.

In Summary

Celebrate your accomplishments from 2014 and consider areas to make your marriage even better in 2015! One last suggestion, think about taking what you have learned in your marriage and passing it on to another couple. This not only affirms the power of God in your marriage but may help them as well.

Go celebrate your marriage!

-Troy

What Can I Do?

This post is going live on December 28, 2014. Late December has a reputation for being the time of year when people make their New Years’ resolutions. Some folks plan to lose weight and get in shape, to stop smoking, to write a book, start a business, draw closer to God or any of several other great changes. I’m a fan of the fact that a new year brings to mind the idea that new things are possible, that what hasn’t worked can be discarded and change is on everyone’s mind.

Recently I began listening to the Confessions of A Terrible Husband podcast, hosted by my friend Nick Pavlidis. I strongly recommend checking out his podcast, great stuff! In Episode 3 Nick interviews John G. Miller, author of several books including QBQ: The Question Behind the Question. During the interview John emphasized the idea of personal accountability in all things, including marriage. One important question John posed stood out to me.

 What Can I Do?

-John G. Miller

 

What Can I Do? A simple question. When my wife and I are on opposite sides of an issue the question should not be, “Why doesn’t she get it?” the question should be, “What can I do to make this better?” When finances are an issue ask the questions, “What can I do to make things easier? What expenses are uniquely mine that I can decrease or eliminate? How can I help in the budgeting process? What can I do to bring in more money? What can I do?”  Don’t ask, “Why won’t the other person or situation change?” instead ask yourself, “What can I do to improve the situation?”

I’m going to quickly bring this back around so that you can get back to your New Years’ festivities.  Let me pose my own question based on John’s.  Ask this question of yourself.

What can I do to show my wife more love?

This question assumes you know what she needs to feel loved. If you don’t know her primary love language then that may not be the case.  Take a quick look back at The Book That Started It All. Of course you could simply ask HER the question, “What can I do that will make you feel more loved?”

If you are looking for a resolution that’s a great one to use for 2015. Find out what makes her feel more loved and resolve to do it every single day. In case you need a regular reminder just put an alarm in your smartphone.  🙂

Now go do what YOU can do to make 2015 the most loving year ever in your marriage!

-Troy

Like a Child?

Adults are boring.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m technically an adult and know there are many things that must be done in life that require the maturity level of an adult.

The Problem With Childishness

Have you ever know a couple of adults who just were not getting along due to some petty issue?  One person said or did something, often without thinking or even realizing they had offended the other.  As a result there is anger, miscommunication and lack of forgiveness.  People will ignore each other, try to avoid spending time together or when required to spend time together it will be terribly uncomfortable. This is childishness and it is hurtful and without merit. Childishness is rooted in selfishness. If you are a Christian then selfishness needs to be rooted out by spending time in the Presence of God. In this Christmas season don’t let time with family that you see infrequently be a time of hurt and discomfort, let it be fill with love and joy!

The Beauty of Childlikeness

I’m not sure that is is a word.  Childlikeness I mean. But I’m using it. It’s a powerful image. Childlikeness means living in wonder and awe and silliness like a child. Enjoying the discovery of new things, having fun and just being playful.  I love my wife at all times and for many things but I get a special pleasure when she is childlike. In every woman there is a 12 year old girl. She is silly, cute and a little mischevious. Being around that little girl is just fun. So. Much Fun! Inside every man is an 8 year old boy. Goofy, funny and ready to try anything…as long as he has a cape!

The Balance

In 1 Corinthians 13:11 Paul writes:

“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.” (emphasis added).

Childishness holds us back in relationships. Childishness is immature and always selfish.

In Matthew 18:3-5 we see the words of Jesus:

“And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.“

We are called to be childlike! Being childlike means we have implicit trust that God will take care of us. We believe He is in control and know He has our best interests at heart. Being childlike means we treat others as a child treats them (“whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me“). NOT as a hurtful and clique obsessed teen, but as a child who accepts everyone. Let the people who are different and unlike you into your circle. Be goofy and silly with your friends. Have fun and expect the best. Be childlike and not childish.

Wrapping It Up

If you are a wife your husband most likely loves it when the little girl in you appears! If you are a husband sometimes you need to be a little boy. Let your adulthood fall away and just have fun together. Show love and acceptance, sweetness and joy, and just be open to new experiences and events.

Most of us love a silly, funny and caring child.  There are few things more precious than the sincere hug of a child.  Avoid childishness in all forms, but be childlike in how you enjoy, love and trust others.

Love you all!

Merry Christmas!

-Troy

 

 

 

 

The 1 Reason Marriages Fail or Succeed

How about that for a bold title? In 1000 words or less I’m going to let you in on the only reason marriages fail. Then you can use that knowledge to help your marriage succeed. Is your marriage strong? Is it weak? Happy? Stressed? You’re about to find out why.

The Problem with the World

Most of us, in fact nearly all of us, make a grave mistake in our lives. We give away our power. We assume that we have no control. In the world we are taught that life is about jobs, cars, school, church and other external circumstances. But the truth is that 90% of life is lived within our minds and is under our control. Once you truly get this your life will never be the same.

The Truth about Life

Life is a mental game. It’s an exercise of how our minds interpret the world. A few years ago I was taught a principle that made this very clear. What you believe determines your actions and your actions determine your results. The progression is 1) beliefs 2) actions 3) results. Every aspect of life follows this series of steps.

How We Got Into Trouble

Look around you. Think of your friends and family members. I’ll bet that some of them had a life plan, at least for a time. Do you want to know where it ended? Just after graduation. If their education stopped at high school the plan was, “Get a job that pay the bills and that won’t drive me insane or suck all of the life out of me.”  Most of them failed because they hate their job. If someone went to college the life plan may have a longer term. “Graduate, get a job in my field (or go to graduate school then get a job in my field), and follow that path through life.” Some of them succeeded, but many failed. Why do I say they failed? Because they only had a plan for a career…and even that was lost. They never planned their life.

Drifters

Your life is within your control.  What you do and have can be changed. But if you don’t have what you want in your life, career and marriage what is the reason? You are drifting. You’ve set your autopilot to react to circumstances rather than consciously taking control. You are going through the motions. That wasn’t God’s intention for your life. The words of Jesus in John 10:10 show God’s heart for your life.

John1010

The Solution

There is a simple solution to the drifter issue. You have to change your results in life. But going back to what we have already learned, beliefs determine actions and actions determine results. So to change your results you must first change your beliefs. Whole books have been written on this topic and we won’t get into any more detail here than necessary but let’s make it very clear. When you allow your circumstances to shape your beliefs about what is possible then you will always drift through life. When you decide what your beliefs will be then you control your destiny.

How this Relates to Marriage

If you came out of a home where your parents were happily in love then you likely believe a happy marriage is possible.  If you came from a broken or highly dysfunctional home then your beliefs may have been shaped toward the idea that a happy marriage is either incredibly difficult or impossible.  But how does a simple belief about marriage make a couple happy or unhappy?  Follow the progression.

Actions and Results

If you believe a happy marriage is normal and to be expected then you will take actions consistent with that belief.  You will be kind to your spouse, think the best of them and do what you can to make their life more fulfilled and enjoyable.  If both partners are taking these kinds of actions then wonderful things will happen.  However if you believe marriage is hard or unlikely to last for a lifetime then you’ll take actions consistent with those beliefs.  When your spouse says an unintentionally hurtful word you’ll assume it was meant as an attack rather than an error.  You’ll look for inconsistencies in their behavior and be constantly suspicious. When challenges come you’ll look for a way out rather than a way to repair the relationship.  What you believe about marriage affects whether or not you have a happy and loving union.

In Closing

Beliefs are formed from experiences and learning.  Beliefs can be intentionally changed.  It takes time and a firm commitment.  But you will notice that as you change your beliefs your actions will begin to change, almost without effort. Results will be better than ever before. But it all starts with changing your beliefs.

Challenge

Think over what you believe about marriage or your spouse. Make a list. See if all of your beliefs are healthy. If any are not then pick one each week to change. Repeat to yourself several times a day the healthy equivalent of that belief.  Perhaps your parents often fought and then divorced. You may have a belief that “marriage is hard work and most marriages fail.”  But to change that belief say to yourself at least 10 times per day, every day for the next week, “our marriage is filled with joy and we love each other more every day.”

Give it a shot!

Love you all!

-Troy

The Truth About Divorce

I’m going to lift your spirits…by talking about divorce.  Oh yes I am!

Let me ask you a question.  What percentage of marriages in the United States end in divorce?

I heard what most of you were thinking.  The commonly quoted statistic is 50%.  Based on that number anyone who gets married has a 50/50 chance of making it.  Flip a coin, heads or tails, half of you who are currently married are going to split up.  Based on the 50% statistic.

But is it true?

In a word, no.  Multiple studies have shown that the divorce rate in the United States has never hit the 50% mark.  In fact the highest rate ever actually calculated from raw numbers is 41% based on a New York Times article…and the rate has been declining since 1980.  But even that number isn’t truly accurate.  In fact according to initial research conducted in 2006 on first time marriages, “probably 20 to 25 percent have ended in divorce on average”.  This is from Shaunti Feldhahn and her husband Jeff who have written a book called The Good News About Marriage.  They spent several years pouring through the data related to marriage and divorce.  Apparently the 50% value came from projections based on how the divorce rate was increasing through the 60s and 70s but the 50% never happened.  It’s a myth.

In fact among all marriages for those who regularly attend church the rate is much lower, likely in the teens or single digits.  For couples who pray together frequently the rate is less than 1 in 10,000.

The problem isn’t just that there is a false statistic believed by many, perhaps most married people.  The problem is that believing a 50% divorce statistic leads to a sense of hopelessness.  The idea that no matter what we do then we still only have a 50/50 shot of making it.  But it is simply NOT TRUE.

If you are married or thinking about marriage then your chances of staying married, whether or not you are a Christian, are almost certainly above 60%.  If you are a Christian and so is your spouse then your odds are likely above 80%.  If you pray together regularly your odds are at LEAST 99.99%.  This is the truth!!!

john-8-32-free-bible-verse-desktop-wallpapers

If together you make a commitment to a life-long marriage, you center your relationship on God, you take advantage of resources to grow and nurture your relationship then you WILL have a lifelong marriage.  Furthermore if you know what love really is you can have an incredibly happy marriage.  If you want to improve martial happiness, just click through the HappierHusband archives on the right side of this page and enjoy!

Love you all!

-Troy

2 Challenges

I realize that today is the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and many of you are travelling, or if not travelling you may be preparing for guests.  To honor your time and still (hopefully) offer some value today’s post will be short and to the point.

You may remember from the post 22 Years of Failure that until a few months ago my lovely bride and I didn’t pray together regularly.  (On a side note I highly recommend going back and reading that post.  It has a statistic about divorce and couples who pray together that will blow your mind!)  I have to say that doing so has changed our dynamic in speaking about and trusting in God.  Our trust in the Lord is a regular part of conversation now.

One thing I did as we first began praying together was to thank God for Sally.  I am now careful to do so every time.

This is important to me for a couple of reasons:

  • I want her to know I am thankful to her.
  • I want to acknowledge to the Lord that I recognize she is a gift and blessing from Him.

GiveThanks

This post is called 2 Challenges.  Over the next few days you’ll likely be spending time with loved ones.  Perhaps you don’t particularly like some of the people you will be seeing.  Your personalities are different; you don’t necessarily share the same beliefs or attitudes.  Frankly they may not like you very much either.  Still, as those loved and forgiven by God we need to appreciate every person the Lord brings into our lives.

Below are the two challenges.  You may find one easier than the other and which one is easier may differ from person to person.

  • Thank God for your spouse in prayer daily, as often as is possible do so while praying together.
  • Over Thanksgiving tell each person who shares the holiday with you some way in which you are thankful for them.

Be grateful to God and thank Him for all things.

Love you my friends!

-Troy

59 Seconds to More Joy

We do some deep posts here at HappierHusband. A few examples include What is Love Anyway? It’s All About You, The 2nd Law and The Most Common Mistake Many Couples Make. We also do some controversial posts such as The Problem with (some) Marriage Advice, 1 Most Common Marriage Killing Habit, Hard Work?, Why Christian Couples Get Divorced and Stop Fighting! Today’s post is not too deep and shouldn’t be controversial…but will increase your joy in 59 seconds or less.

This past weekend my lovely bride and I went on a driving trip to North Carolina…from Illinois. The trip was around 11 hours one way without stops. Four of us piled into an SUV around 8:00 pm Thursday night and drove all the way down to the Winston-Salem area through the mountains in the dark and rain. In case you are wondering we were checking out a company that has some VERY interesting research in a relevant problem for millions of people in the world. A different area than we have looked into before. Ok, back to the story. :-). We stayed there through Saturday afternoon, drove part of the way home Saturday (shout out to Barboursville, WV where we slept) then arrived home Sunday evening.

Due to stops and such total time in the vehicle was around 25 hours. Of that Sally and I were in the back seat together all but about 3 hours. We had a LOT of fun with the other two friends in the car, laughing, singing, keeping each other awake and learning things we probably shouldn’t know.

But one thing Sally and I didn’t do with all that back seat time.  We didn’t really talk a lot to just each other and we didn’t spend much time holding hands.

Monday night after supper Sally was in the kitchen when I walked through. Alas that was my intention, to simply walk through. But something stopped me and I took her in my arms and just held her. I really held her. After about 30 seconds I felt like it was time to let go…but I didn’t. I pushed past that feeling that was calling me to jump right back into the rush of the evening. Did we have things to do?  Yes. Did those things matter at that moment?  No. I said to her “We don’t do this often enough.”  She agreed and time stopped.

30 seconds was too short, but just a little longer made all the difference. My joy shot WAY up.  It changed my night!

Don’t take for granted that you are able to hug your spouse because someday that won’t be possible anymore. We all need to stop regularly and put in some conscious “hug time”.  It’s not about how long the embrace lasts, it’s about staying in the embrace long enough to get past the point where life is trying to pull you away.

Grab your girl (or guy for you lady readers) and slide into a smooth and gentle hug. Stay there. Don’t think about what you have to do. Don’t worry about the dishes, laundry, leaves that need to be raked or bills to pay. Just lean in, enjoy the warmth of their body, inhale the scent of her hair, breath slowly deeply and let everything else fall away.

His left arm is under my head and his right arm embraces me.

-Song of Songs 2:6

Go and hug and don’t stop until your joy increases!

Love you all!

-Troy

What Is Love Anyway?

This is a longer post, but if you really want to know what love is and what it is NOT then please read on.

Recently someone I care about deeply was is a difficult place.  She turned to me (which is an honor) and asked me a couple of questions.  Let me set it up with a paraphrase of her part of the conversation:

“I read a lot of quotes about love, but what are they supposed to mean?  What does love truly mean from a man’s point of view?  In the beginning they tell you daily that they love you, that they want to spend the rest of their lives with you and that nothing matters but you.  However a few months or years down the road all of the affection and attention is gone.  Then they say that they love you, but are not IN love with you.  Does that mean it’s over?  That I need to face this painful reality?  Is it hopeless?

Following is my (edited) response

Wow. Those are big questions. I really should do a long blog post (or short eBook) about what love truly means. (that’s what you are all reading now :-))

First, most of us (guys and gals) most of the time use the word “love” incorrectly. We say, “I love ice cream” or “I love the Cardinals” when we really mean “I have a strong preference for ice cream” or “I prefer the Cardinals over the Cubs.” In this case it’s not “love” it is “prefer” or “really like”.

Second, there are two other common misuses of the word “love”. They are cases of lust or limerance (hang with me a moment friends). We all understand lust. It’s a strong desire for the physical attractiveness of another person. Lust happens more commonly in men than women (at least in my experience) but women are not immune.

The truly tricky one is something called “limerance”. This is a term referring to the chemical reactions in a someone’s brain when they first meet a new person to whom they are attracted. It’s often mixed in with lust, but it is more than just physical. Limerance is the exciting time when the other person can do no wrong, when you want to spend every waking moment with them, when you could be on the phone for hours. They have no flaws and everything they do is AMAZING! They are the perfect person to you and no amount of input from other family and friends can convince you otherwise. (Hence the old saying “love is blind”.) This is the classic “falling in love” stage. Every Hollywood romantic comedy is really all about limerance and so is every fairy tale that closes with, “and they lived happily ever after.”

Limerance is based on feelings and emotions that come from chemical interactions in the brain. Here is the secret very few know about the limerance or “falling in love” period. It has a scientifically proven and measureable lifetime. Limerance lasts, on average, 18-24 months. This is why couples “fall out of love” or say “I love you but I’m not IN love with you.” They have lost the head over heels, butterflies in your tummy, can’t wait to see you feelings. They had limerance, they probably also had lust, but they never had real love.

Here is the big difference…and it’s likely to be a shocker.

Love has nothing to do with feelings. Love is not an emotion.

Don’t get me wrong. Feelings can be the gateway to love. Most long-term happily married couples start out in limerance (and possibly lust). Sally and I were INTENSELY in limerance when we met. But not love. Not at first.

In fact I would go out on a limb to say almost NO couples start out in a state of real love. So, what characterizes the change from limerance to love? One word. Choice.

Love is a choice.

Love is a choice a person makes every day and many times a day. Love is a choice to serve the other person when you are tired, or frustrated, or angry or when you simply feel nothing. Love is the difference between doing what you feel at the time and doing what you committed to do at the altar. Love is acting by doing what you know is best for the other person more so than yourself. Love is a choice.

So when someone says to another person, “I’m not in love with you anymore” it means two things. 1) They likely don’t understand what real love is and never had it in the relationship and 2) They have chosen what THEY want rather than what the other person wants.

But THERE IS HOPE even in this situation. I’m a Christian, do you know why? Not because I deserved to be saved from my sins. Not a chance! Not because God FELT like He should save me. No, I am a Christian because Jesus, in LOVE, CHOSE to die on a cross for my sins. He chose to love me and I accepted that love and now I choose to love Him by serving Him in various ways. Love began with God.

Is it possible to “fall out of love”? No, because love is not a feeling, it is a choice. Is it possible to “fall out of limerance”? Absolutely…and it usually happens within 18-24 months. Couples will often stay together much longer out of obligation or fear. Years longer, in a miserable relationship either characterized by simmering anger and frustration or with no feeling, only deadness and more like roommates than a happy marriage.

Let me wrap this up on a happy note! Can a couple with no feelings, or feelings of anger ever get good feelings back? Yes, yes a thousand times yes!! It’s very simple. Choose to love. Choose to love by serving the other person, by saying kind and uplifting words, by physical touch, by small gifts, by simply spending time together in shared activity. Feelings follow actions and if we take the actions which characterize the choice of love then we WILL have feelings for the other person.

Oh boy, will we have feelings! Deeper, more powerful feelings of love than most have ever experienced! This is SO possible and unbelievably worth it. Sally and I learned these principles from a book we received early in our marriage. It is called The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. Pick up a copy and jump into it! If you’d like my take specifically on that book check out The Book That Started It All.

Now go out there and CHOOSE to love each other!

Love you all, truly I do…because I choose to do so.

-Troy