The following post is an updated version of the second ever post that was published on HappierHusband.com. I think this is a tremendously important topic and so wanted all of our new readers (and the original clan) to get a fresh new look at it!
This is going to really annoy a lot of marriage counselors and relationship experts. I don’t think compromise is healthy in a marriage. Ah. At this point YOU are annoyed and thinking, “This guy has lost his mind!” All of your life you’ve been told that relationships require compromise. I give a little, you give a little and it’s all good. But in my experience it is NOT all good. If you want a truly happy marriage with little or no resentment then compromise is a no go. Read on…
What is Compromise?
According to Merriam-Webster compromise is: “a way of reaching agreement in which each person or group gives up something that was wanted in order to end an argument or dispute.” Sound like how you want to run your marriage? ”Ok honey, last time I gave up something, now it’s your turn.” or “Someone needs to watch the kids, so I don’t go play softball with the guys this week and next week you don’t get to see your sister.” Really? I don’t think so.
Don’t Compromise – Serve
Here is the heart of the issue. Compromise means what I want is just as important, or more important than what you want. In a compromise situation no one comes out happy. Do you want a happy marriage? Stop compromising and start serving.
Being a servant means the other person’s needs and wants come before your own, whether you like it or not…at first. Let’s take a look at scripture. In Matthew 26:39 we find this prayer from Jesus to the Father:
“Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”
Jesus Didn’t Compromise…True Servants Never Do
Jesus asked the Father more than once to not go to the cross. He knew what was coming, the pain, rejection, abandonment and finally death. But He was a Servant. A servant doesn’t compromise, a servant serves. A servant does what the Master requires whether he or she likes it or not…at first. Do you think that when Judas came with the crowd to arrest Jesus that He said, “Ok Father, I’ll take the arrest and the trial, even the whips, but the cross is just too much. Let’s compromise.” No, no, a thousand times no! Jesus served God and us by NOT compromising.
Keeping Your Covenant
Let’s bring this home. You married a wonderful woman. You promised something along the lines of, “love honor and cherish.” Did you promise to compromise? Nope. When you marry someone, when you make that covenant, you are saying, in essence, “I choose to serve you.”
You are the man. According to Paul husbands are “love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” So stop compromising and start giving yourself up for her. I promise you will get more back than you EVER would by compromising.
Note: Compromise IS important in some relationships, such as keeping countries from going to war or between political parties, but these relationships are not based on love. That’s the difference.
Now go love and serve her!