In case our post Stop Fighting isn’t where you are at right now then let’s talk about how to stop all arguments.
It takes exactly one person to start an argument. Just one. How many does it take to maintain an argument? Two. It takes two. Just like keeping a fire going requires both fuel and oxygen keeping an argument alive requires at least two participants.
I Have a Friend
I know a person, let’s call her Angela (not her real name). She came from a family where the father liked to argue. Loudly. So Angela, being raised in such an environment, assumed that was normal in relationships. She mastered the art of defending her point at all costs and extreme volume. Eventually Angela met and married a man that we will call Bill (still not a real name, stay with me). The first time there was a disagreement Angela went straight to default mode of shouting. But Bill? He wasn’t a shouter. After a few times of this Angela finally found why. Bill refused to engage. He didn’t believe in solving problems in that way. Angela learned fairly quickly that arguments with Bill were pointless. Guess what? Angela and Bill still disagree at times. But they don’t fight. Oh, they’ve been married a LONG time and are quite happy.
A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.
Did You See It?
What did Bill do? Bill knew the secret of stopping any argument. It’s very simple. You don’t engage. That’s it. When your spouse moves into “shout mode” then just don’t shout back. I’m going to get some push back on that most likely. But I’m ok with it. The only person who can make me shout at my spouse is ME. Let me say that one more time: The only person who can make me shout at my spouse is me. Click To Tweet
The Wrap Up
Will this be easy? Not if in the past both of you are used to loud arguments. If one person refuses to engage then the first person may get even angrier…but only briefly. Will it be comfortable? Not the first time. But it will be a little more the second. Each time it gets a bit easier. If you keep up the habit of not engaging in an anger level “discussion” then eventually your spouse will as well.
Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
Love you all!